I cannot really say when my desire, rather obsession with food began. I can estimate it started around 10 when I would stuff myself so full of fruit roll ups and then hide all the wrappers. This was quite a challenge as I could not drive to the store and replace the "evidence" of my crime. As I got older, I became much more adept at hiding my eating rituals. I would think about food 24-7 and I still do. After many battles with eating including binging and starvation, a few years ago I finally achieved my goal of reaching 120 pounds at 5'8". I was on the top of the world. Of course nagging inlaws and other jealous hypocrites tried to stop my success. In the end as usual, I messed this up. I know am fat again.... up about 20 pounds after I worked so tirelessly to get off the weight. I feel like a failure and I am hoping to get inspiration to get thin again. I hardly have the energy to leave the couch as I feel so embarrassed by my size. I am trapped, tired, and depressed. I always feel hungry. The mind is so cruel. I am fat yet my brain says eat more....stuff your face....drink so you can forget it. I am looking for the strength to get off the couch, gain confidence, and stop the horrible binge cycle. My stomach is aching and I am aching for change.
This blog is to most serve as a forum for other ED people who have failed and have gained a ton of weight and how to cope and still be healthy. I bought Phen357 and I will definitely be blogging about the results. It cannot get here soon enough!
So tired and disgusted with my fat ass....
Starving for change
